This post was originally published at Novelicious.com and is now at WritingTipsOasis.com. WritingTipsOasis.com acquired Novelicious.com in June 2022.
By Carlie Lee
Getting Lost
I know. Risible. I even have one of those phones with in-built sat nav. I’ve been to Earl’s Court six times in my life, and never made it first go. Then, when I get there, I’m never in the aisle I think I am, and the next minute I’m trapped in a tent-like job, being eyed by bemused Indian ladies in beautiful outfits.
I went to the Frankfurt Book Fair in 1998, and never made it much beyond K12.
Being Late for my Lit Factor Slot
But actually, worse than being late, would be arriving too early. I’d have to sit waiting, my handbag prim on my knee. I might eye a stern receptionist, and she’d say, ‘Do be patient, Mrs Lee. Agent X is only running fifty minutes late. There are many other writers to see, you know’.
I’d sit and mutter irritably. I might offer a Trebor mint to a neighbour, and the next minute we’re in cahoots, and rushing the receptionist, mangling her clip-board and rampaging through to Agent X. He’d be horrified, and it would be all over before it began.
So on time, all round, would be preferable.
Getting Disastrously Drunk In An Effort To Keep Up My End
I’m a light-weight. I can’t drink more than one glass of wine without becoming Loud, Wild and Uncontrolled. Several people I’ve spoken to have said, ‘Oh yeah, you’re going on Monday? Great. Let’s grab a drink and have a chat.’
Nightmare. The beast within has perked up madly, and is blow-drying her hair, ready for carnage.
I’m going to have to lie. Rattle a bottle of antibiotics and look regretful. ‘Next time,’ I’ll say. ‘Maybe next time.’
Meeting Other Writers
I know lots of writers online, and that I swap emails with, but another writer in real life is a scary thing. We’re all so used to communicating with typed words that the spoken ones never seem as intelligent, or witty. I once met a lady writer at a launch whom I’d admired greatly (she seemed so erudite, and worldly, and glam), but then I met her in real life and she was like the worst kind of smug teacher’s assistant – all ‘yes, dear’s, and ‘I always say’s. I was so gutted.
The day after the launch, she sent me a message: you weren’t at all how I expected, Carlie. You’re writing’s actually quite clever.
Double gutted.