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The second entry of our Top 20 Undiscovered Shortlist is Baby Steps by Louise Cannon
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Over to Louise Cannon …
BABY STEPS (BLURB)
Motherhood was always intended to feature somewhere in the life plan of twenty three year old Charlie Clements. In fact, being a mum was absolutely, definitely, possibly, maybe, up there on her โto-doโ list, right alongside majorly mature things like saving for a pension and writing a will i.e. things sheโd get round to doing when sheโd grown up a bit, fallen in love, bought a house and owned a Volvo.
However, life has an annoying habit of throwing curve balls at you when you least expect it and, sometimes, even the best laid plans donโt quite go to, er, plan.
Falling pregnant just before graduating from university with someone sheโd been sleeping with for four weeks (even if the guy in question was the hottest thing on campus) was absolutely, definitely, positively, NOT in any life plan that Charlie had signed up for (and neither, come to think of it, was being dumped by said gorgeous specimen of man along the way).
How will Charlie cope with the reality of life as a young, single mother? Does becoming a mum automatically mean giving up on your own dreams? And what happens when hot guy on campus finds out what she couldnโt bring herself to tell him?
All Charlie knows, is that baby steps seems to be the best approach to life right now, in more ways than one.
READ THE FIRST 3000 WORDS OF BABY STEPS OVER THE CUT
Baby Steps by Louise Cannon
My name is Charlie Clements. Iโm twenty-three years old. I had a one-night-stand and now Iโm pregnant.
Okay, so one-night-stand is a little harsh to describe someone Iโve been sleeping with for four weeks, but serious, long-term relationship ending in wedded bliss it ainโt. In fact, right now, Iโm sitting in Prospective Future Daddyโs dorm room perched on the end of his single bed, doing my upmost not to touch the unwashed bedspread with any of my bare flesh. Personally, Iโve always found the slothful student faรงade one big, fat clichรฉ. I mean, Christ, thereโs a flipping laundrette onsite. Do people really enjoy living like this?I take a quick glance around the room. Having only been in it in the dark whilst slightly, ahem, inebriated, it is a shocking sight. Empty bottles of beer are strewn across the windowsill like some drunken wall of achievement and a stack of take-away pizza boxes lay discarded next to a stainless-steel bin, sans lid, creating a scene that looks uncannily similar to the obscure art-pieces that I can never be bothered to fathom. A pile of library books are scattered on top of a once glossy, walnut-coloured desk now adorned with ten yearsโ worth of random doodles and graffiti and I canโt even bring myself to look at the heap of underwear on the floor, let alone distinguish whether or not they are clean or dirty. Gross.
Fortunately, just as my train of thought begins to wander into the toxic possibility of skid-marks, I realise that Prospective Future Daddy has asked me a question and is waiting patiently for a response.I turn to look at him. Questionable hygiene and housework-related matters aside, he is cute, no point in denying that. A mop of wavy, reddish-brown hair, quite possibly the pictorial definition of โbed-hairโ; intense hazel-green eyes framed by the darkest eyelashes I have ever seen; delectably bronzed, typically Adonis-like olive skin, and the sweetest pair of lips, the top one curling upwards a little whenever he smiles. Add to that a six foot one inch medium-built, naturally athletic frame and it would be quite easy to understand why he had been voted number one in the official list of โCharlieโs Top Ten Hottiesโ at the university we both attend (and it still counted, even if the list had been drunkenly compiled by me one night and only intended for the eyes of a handful of other like-minded females to giggle over. Note to self: in future, refrain from using the mass email tool whilst drunk).
I let out an involuntary shudder. I can never, it seems, meet guys conventionally. I have to embarrass myself in spectacular fashion first. To begin with, I was just one in a long line of admirers and hangers-on. Then Iโd had the stupendously magnificent brain-fart from which The List had been fashioned, and itโd gone viral, albeit by mistake. Okay, so not viralโฆ campus-wide at least. And then suddenly he knew my name and was, squeal, talking to me and kind of flirting with me a little actually, even if it had all come about under rather humiliating circumstances. But then again, I guess in his mind I was probably a sure thing, being a potential groupie-slash-stalker and all. Either that or he sensed that I have the willpower of a Dung Beetle when it comes to cute men. Him being the dung, of course, and me being completely willing to dive right in.
โOuch!โ Iโm prodded out of my daze by a finger being jabbed into my side.
โCharlie! Are you actually listening to a word Iโm saying?โ Prospective Future Daddy asks.
I put on my best fake-hurt expression. โOf course, Cooper.โ
โSoโฆ youโre okay with what I said then?โ Cooper continues, frowning slightly. โI mean, itโs been real fun and all that, but weโre graduating next week and you live at one end of the country and I live at the other and, well, you knowโฆ?โ
He stares imploringly into my eyes. I get the impression that heโs unconsciously pleading with me to put him out of his misery somehow. Poor guy. Clearly he finds it hard to break up withโฆ
Shit! Heโs breaking up with me.Okay, so weโre not actually together but Oh My God, I canโt quite believe this is happening. I can feel my cheeks beginning to burn as I slowly grasp the reason why he had invited me over to โtalk about thingsโ this afternoon. What an arse. What a โฆ
โUser!โ I hear a voice say, before realising that itโs actually me talking out loud before thinking once again. Such an annoying trait.
โWhat?!โ squeaks Cooper in a slightly less masculine pitch than before, his forehead so deeply frowned now that Iโm afraid it will cause permanent wrinkling. โHow am I a user? We met a couple of times a week for sex Charlie, good sex, but just sex. I donโt recall either of us wanting anything more. Iโm trying to be mature about this. Donโt paint me as the bad guy here.โ
โOh come off it Cooper.โI roll my eyes. Heโs slumped back into the corner of the bed with his arms crossed. Jeez, even when heโs sulking heโs sexy.
โIโm not painting you as anything. I realise that it was just sex and, I agree, pretty good sex. And Iโm not even saying that I want anything else, but I thought we could at least see the term out. I thought we were having fun.โThereโs silence for a moment. I sigh deeply, unconsciously rubbing my stomach at the same time. Oh crap. I forgot about the small fact that Iโm pregnant. I look at Cooper. Heโs pulling absent-mindedly at a loose piece of thread at the bottom of his slightly greying, Nirvana t-shirt. I canโt help but feel sorry for him. He has no clue. Well to be honest, until this morning, I didnโt either. I always, always practice safe sex. Iโm on the pill. How did this even happen? Okay, okay, I know how exactlyโฆ
โErโฆ Cโฆ Cooperโ I stammer. My stomach starts doing little flutters, as if hundreds of tiny butterflies are dancing inside me. He looks up at me with his hazel-green eyes. Flutter. I attempt to pull a face that very clearly depicts โCooper, Iโm pregnantโ without actually having to utter a word, and pray that he harnesses some sort of telepathic powers I donโt know about.
I really donโt want to do this.
โThe thing is, well, you seeโฆ er, I get the whole we were never serious thing, I do. I guess, well, I guess I just wasnโt expecting it and the thing is, well, I, IโฆโIโm stalling, I know I am. I just donโt know how to say it. This is potentially life-changing, for both of us. I snatch a glimpse of myself in the surprisingly clean mirror thatโs been clumsily attached to the double wardrobe with Blue-tac and bits of masking tape. I look pale, even for my standard of whiteness. I swear I actually reflect the sun. Iโve been so tired recently, but Iโd just put it down to third year uni stress and the workload thatโs been thrown at us. My straight, black hair hasnโt seen the end of a pair of scissors in months, either. The choppy layers of my last style have blended into the rest of the hair thatโs now trailing down my back in an untidy, fishtail plait. For what itโs worth, then at least I have attractive eyes, or so Iโve been told by a few over-zealous male friends. I would say that they are my best feature. My Granddad used to say to me when I was little that they looked like theyโd been painted on, so vividly blue in colour that they are. My Nan used to say that they compensated for my crooked nose.
โYou alright, Charlie?โ Cooper asks, interrupting my internal fraught dialogue.โMmhmmmโ I nod.
โI mean, you were in the middle of saying something and then this weird, goofy look came over your face and you just stopped talking mid-flow.โ
I open my mouth to speak. Iโm not entirely sure what to say to him, the words keep catching at the back of my throat. Cooper shrugs his shoulders, evidently sensing that my uncanny impression of a goldfish means that Iโm not going to be particularly forthcoming with the lingo right now, straightens himself up and then slowly leans in closer to me.
I lean in a bit as well, closing my eyes, thinking that heโs going to kiss me, that he does have the power to read minds, heโs figured it all out and he wants it, he wants usโฆThe kiss doesnโt come.
I open one eye to find Cooper looking at me with a self-satisfied grin stretched across his face and one arm placed on my shoulder.
โI hope we can remain friends.โ
Ouch. Way to kick a girl when sheโs down.
Three mortifying minutes later and Iโm walking briskly across the tarmacked square, the supposed centre-piece of the University of Mid-Kent campus, bordered on one side by patches of worn grass used for impromptu alfresco seating whenever the weather held and the occasional burst of colour from a few, mostly well-tended flower-beds. Fellow students pass me as I walk, chatting excitedly in groups, probably counting down the days till the summer holidays, or, more likely, wondering what hour of the day constitutes a respectable time to start drinking without appearing as if you have alcohol-related issues. After twelve, Iโd say. Lone students clutch library books and notepads no doubt crammed full of annotations and revision for the last of their exams. I can see the tension stretched across their faces, as if they donโt dare breathe out until itโs all over.All thatโs going through my mind at this point is making sure that I get as far away from Cooper as possible. I have an overwhelming desire to go to bed, pull the duvet up over my head and pretend that none of this is happening. Iโm not really pregnant. Itโs just some cruel trick the universe is playing on me and tomorrow, everything will go back to the way it was when my life still had some sort of direction.
I take the short-cut through the ankle-high shrub border that surrounds my building, feeling the scratchy twigs brushing against my skinny black jeans as I pass, and punch in the four-digit code on the pad to unlock the outside entrance. Stepping into the sparsely decorated hall, worn mottled blue carpet underfoot, stairs to my right leading up to two more floors of identikit dorms, and a fragrance of stale alcohol and baked beans that has permeated the buildings soul throughout the years, I fumble around in my pocket for keys.
This afternoon really didnโt go to plan, I think as I push open the grainy, wooden door. Iโd intended to be open with Cooper, to tell him that Iโm pregnant, then discuss our options like two, mature adults and go from there. But I couldnโt even string a coherent sentence together. What is my problem? Itโs not like this is my entire fault anyway. It takes two and all that.
I step through the threshold and go in search of Imogen, my best friend here at uni. I need to tell someone at least, even if it isnโt Cooper. I walk down the short hallway, passing the common room where a few of our other housemates are lounging around on the knackered, grey sofas, devouring the remains of a takeaway Chinese they ordered last night and knock a few times on the door to Imogenโs bedroom.
I push open the door and walk inside after hearing a muffled โEnterโ sound from behind the wall. Sweet smelling incense vapours immediately shoot up my nostrils and a couple of wind chimes clink above my head, swaying from the slight breeze coming from the open window and the fresh air that I just let in the room. Imogen is sitting at her desk furiously tapping away on her MacBook, her shock of pink hair tied up messily into a bun on the top of her head. I clock her outfit: an oversized black and white striped cardigan over black leggings, a long, chunky beaded necklace sheโd somehow created from other pieces of her jewellery collection and a pair of Doc Martins, deep purple in colour. Even when she isnโt trying, she looks effortlessly cool. I stare down at my own outfit: skinny black jeans, a pale lemon, short-sleeved t-shirt and battered Converse. Yawn.
I flop heavily onto Imogenโs bed, the mattress remaining stubbornly stiff.
I still wonder now, after almost three years, how Imogen ever became my best and closest friend at uni, considering how dissimilar we are. Iโve never met anyone quite like her to be honest. Coming from a smallish town in North Kent, it isnโt often that you encounter people with pink hair and a sparkling wardrobe to match. Apparently sheโd got bored of people telling her how lucky she was to have naturally blonde hair and one day, when she was sixteen, had bought a pack of hair dye from Boots and transformed herself into the Imogen I know now.
And creativity is something that girl has in abundance. She paints beautiful and effortless pictures, she sews complicated patterns onto cushions and curtains, she writes gorgeous poetry, and she joined the University drama group with no experience and bagged most of the female lead roles for the majority of their productions. She sees everything so differently to me. Everything is in colour, everything is an opportunity waiting to happen – the world is an exciting place for Imogen. Sheโs a person things happen to. Why donโt I hate her again?
โSo whatโs up duck?โ Imogen asks after I havenโt spoken for a full five minutes. She stops typing and swivels her seat round to look at me lolling pathetically on her bed. โWhat did Cooper have to say for his handsome self?โโHe doesnโt want to see me anymore,โ I eventually bring myself to say.
Imogenโs face falls slightly. โYou what?โ
โPlease donโt make me say it again Imogen.โ
I grab a pillow from behind me and place it over my head.
โWow. I canโt say I saw that coming. Butโฆ thenโฆ how could heโฆ? Doesnโt he wantโฆ? Whatโs he gonnaโฆ?โ she says hurriedly, before taking a deep breath. โDid he say why?โ
I can see out of the corner of my eye that Imogenโs right leg has begun to jig up and down slightly manically.
โJust that we were graduating soon and we live too far away and we can still be friends and blah, blah, blah de blahโ
โI see.โ Imogen lifts the pillow off of my face and throws it to the bottom of the bed. โYou, er, okay about that then?โ
โThrilledโ I say, deadpan.
I haul myself up so that weโre at eye level. Imogen is leaning forward on her chair; hands clasped tightly together, a questioning look on her face.โThere is something else thoughโฆโ I begin to say.
โYouโre pregnant,โ Imogen interjects before I have the chance to open my mouth again. โI saw the test in your trash. You left your door unlocked,โ she adds casually, almost as an afterthought.
I sit there, opened-mouth for a bit, before regaining my composure.
โYouโฆ youโฆ didnโt touch it, did you?โ
โAre you actually mad, Charlie? Why would I touch something youโve peed on?!โ Imogen forces out a shiver. โI went into your room to borrow a stapler, looked down and there it was, sticking out the top of the bin. If you wanted to keep the news private, then you really didnโt do a very good job did you?โ
โGuess not,โ I say quietly.
I shake my head a little in disbelief. Imogen is still regarding me as if I owe her an explanation. I know itโs not intentional, but I always get the feeling that she talks down to me, like sheโs the teacher and I her unworthy student. Youโd never think that Iโm two years older.
โWellโฆโ
โWell, what?!โ
โCharlie you are infuriating sometimes! What are you going to do now? I mean, now you know Cooper doesnโt want to keep itโฆโ
โHold on… I never said he didnโt want it.โ
โBut he doesnโt want to see you anymore.โ
โSoโฆ?โ
โSo, I just assumedโฆโ
โWell, donโt.โ
I stand up, slightly exasperated at Imogenโs assumption, and begin to pace up and down the room for a bit until I realise it isnโt achieving the desired effect, being the size of a small postage stamp. Admitting defeat, I slump back onto the bed.
โImogenโฆ Iโฆ Iโฆ I couldnโt tell himโ I say at a half whisper, immediately putting my head in my hands, unconsciously trying to cushion the verbal blow I feel sure is about to come. Imogen remains uncharacteristically silent. I glance up to make sure sheโs still breathing and hasnโt spontaneously combusted out of pure frustration. Her face has softened.
โBabe, this is gonna be hard you know,โ she says tenderly.
โUnwanted pregnancies are stressful on everyone involved. I remember my abortion, just before I started uni. It was the best thing at the time, didnโt make it an easy decision, although the guy being a complete knob kinda sold it to me in the end.โ She reaches across and gives me a quick hug. โIโm here for you though hun. Iโll go with you to the clinic if need be.โ She straightens her back so that sheโs now standing. โDo you want a cup of tea?โ she asks, making her way to the door.
โImogenโฆโ
โYes hun?โ she replies, turning the handle and propping the door open with her foot.
I take a deep breath and turn my head to look at her. โIโm keeping it.โ
My name is Charlie Clements. Iโm twenty-three years old. I had a one-night-stand and now Iโm
pregnant.
Okay, so one-night-stand is a little harsh to describe someone Iโve been sleeping with for four
weeks, but serious, long-term relationship ending in wedded bliss it ainโt. In fact, right now, Iโm
sitting in Prospective Future Daddyโs dorm room perched on the end of his single bed, doing my
upmost not to touch the unwashed bedspread with any of my bare flesh. Personally, Iโve always
found the slothful student faรงade one big, fat clichรฉ. I mean, Christ, thereโs a flipping laundrette
onsite. Do people really enjoy living like this?
I take a quick glance around the room. Having only been in it in the dark whilst slightly, ahem,
inebriated, it is a shocking sight. Empty bottles of beer are strewn across the windowsill like some
drunken wall of achievement and a stack of take-away pizza boxes lay discarded next to a stainless-
steel bin, sans lid, creating a scene that looks uncannily similar to the obscure art-pieces that I can
never be bothered to fathom. A pile of library books are scattered on top of a once glossy, walnut-
coloured desk now adorned with ten yearsโ worth of random doodles and graffiti and I canโt even
bring myself to look at the heap of underwear on the floor, let alone distinguish whether or not they
are clean or dirty. Gross.
Fortunately, just as my train of thought begins to wander into the toxic possibility of skid-marks,
I realise that Prospective Future Daddy has asked me a question and is waiting patiently for a
response.
I turn to look at him. Questionable hygiene and housework-related matters aside, he is cute, no
point in denying that. A mop of wavy, reddish-brown hair, quite possibly the pictorial definition
of โbed-hairโ; intense hazel-green eyes framed by the darkest eyelashes I have ever seen; delectably
bronzed, typically Adonis-like olive skin, and the sweetest pair of lips, the top one curling upwards
a little whenever he smiles. Add to that a six foot one inch medium-built, naturally athletic frame
and it would be quite easy to understand why he had been voted number one in the official list
of โCharlieโs Top Ten Hottiesโ at the university we both attend (and it still counted, even if the list
had been drunkenly compiled by me one night and only intended for the eyes of a handful of other
like-minded females to giggle over. Note to self: in future, refrain from using the mass email tool
whilst drunk).
I let out an involuntary shudder. I can never, it seems, meet guys conventionally. I have to
embarrass myself in spectacular fashion first. To begin with, I was just one in a long line of admirers
and hangers-on. Then Iโd had the stupendously magnificent brain-fart from which The List had been
fashioned, and itโd gone viral, albeit by mistake. Okay, so not viralโฆ campus-wide at least. And
then suddenly he knew my name and was, squeal, talking to me and kind of flirting with me a little
actually, even if it had all come about under rather humiliating circumstances. But then again, I
guess in his mind I was probably a sure thing, being a potential groupie-slash-stalker and all. Either
that or he sensed that I have the willpower of a Dung Beetle when it comes to cute men. Him being
the dung, of course, and me being completely willing to dive right in.
โOuch!โ Iโm prodded out of my daze by a finger being jabbed into my side.
โCharlie! Are you actually listening to a word Iโm saying?โ Prospective Future Daddy asks.
I put on my best fake-hurt expression. โOf course, Cooper.โ
โSoโฆ youโre okay with what I said then?โ Cooper continues, frowning slightly. โI mean, itโs been
real fun and all that, but weโre graduating next week and you live at one end of the country and I live
at the other and, well, you knowโฆ?โ
He stares imploringly into my eyes. I get the impression that heโs unconsciously pleading with
me to put him out of his misery somehow. Poor guy. Clearly he finds it hard to break up withโฆ
Shit! Heโs breaking up with me.
Okay, so weโre not actually together but Oh My God, I canโt quite believe this is happening. I can
feel my cheeks beginning to burn as I slowly grasp the reason why he had invited me over to โtalk
about thingsโ this afternoon. What an arse. What a โฆ
โUser!โ I hear a voice say, before realising that itโs actually me talking out loud before thinking
once again. Such an annoying trait.
โWhat?!โ squeaks Cooper in a slightly less masculine pitch than before, his forehead so deeply
frowned now that Iโm afraid it will cause permanent wrinkling. โHow am I a user? We met a couple
of times a week for sex Charlie, good sex, but just sex. I donโt recall either of us wanting anything
more. Iโm trying to be mature about this. Donโt paint me as the bad guy here.โ
โOh come off it Cooper.โ
I roll my eyes. Heโs slumped back into the corner of the bed with his arms crossed. Jeez, even
when heโs sulking heโs sexy.
โIโm not painting you as anything. I realise that it was just sex and, I agree, pretty good sex. And
Iโm not even saying that I want anything else, but I thought we could at least see the term out. I
thought we were having fun.โ
Thereโs silence for a moment. I sigh deeply, unconsciously rubbing my stomach at the same time.
Oh crap. I forgot about the small fact that Iโm pregnant. I look at Cooper. Heโs pulling absent-
mindedly at a loose piece of thread at the bottom of his slightly greying, Nirvana t-shirt. I canโt
help but feel sorry for him. He has no clue. Well to be honest, until this morning, I didnโt either. I
always, always practice safe sex. Iโm on the pill. How did this even happen? Okay, okay, I know how
exactlyโฆ
โErโฆ Cโฆ Cooperโ I stammer. My stomach starts doing little flutters, as if hundreds of tiny
butterflies are dancing inside me. He looks up at me with his hazel-green eyes. Flutter. I attempt to
pull a face that very clearly depicts โCooper, Iโm pregnantโ without actually having to utter a word,
and pray that he harnesses some sort of telepathic powers I donโt know about.
I really donโt want to do this.
โThe thing is, well, you seeโฆ er, I get the whole we were never serious thing, I do. I guess, well, I
guess I just wasnโt expecting it and the thing is, well, I, Iโฆโ
Iโm stalling, I know I am. I just donโt know how to say it. This is potentially life-changing, for both
of us. I snatch a glimpse of myself in the surprisingly clean mirror thatโs been clumsily attached to
the double wardrobe with Blue-tac and bits of masking tape. I look pale, even for my standard of
whiteness. I swear I actually reflect the sun. Iโve been so tired recently, but Iโd just put it down to
third year uni stress and the workload thatโs been thrown at us. My straight, black hair hasnโt seen
the end of a pair of scissors in months, either. The choppy layers of my last style have blended into
the rest of the hair thatโs now trailing down my back in an untidy, fishtail plait. For what itโs worth,
then at least I have attractive eyes, or so Iโve been told by a few over-zealous male friends. I would
say that they are my best feature. My Granddad used to say to me when I was little that they looked
like theyโd been painted on, so vividly blue in colour that they are. My Nan used to say that they
compensated for my crooked nose.
โYou alright, Charlie?โ Cooper asks, interrupting my internal fraught dialogue.
โMmhmmmโ I nod.
โI mean, you were in the middle of saying something and then this weird, goofy look came over
your face and you just stopped talking mid-flow.โ
I open my mouth to speak. Iโm not entirely sure what to say to him, the words keep catching at
the back of my throat. Cooper shrugs his shoulders, evidently sensing that my uncanny impression
of a goldfish means that Iโm not going to be particularly forthcoming with the lingo right now,
straightens himself up and then slowly leans in closer to me.
I lean in a bit as well, closing my eyes, thinking that heโs going to kiss me, that he does have the
power to read minds, heโs figured it all out and he wants it, he wants usโฆ
The kiss doesnโt come.
I open one eye to find Cooper looking at me with a self-satisfied grin stretched across his face and
one arm placed on my shoulder.
โI hope we can remain friends.โ
Ouch. Way to kick a girl when sheโs down.
Three mortifying minutes later and Iโm walking briskly across the tarmacked square, the supposed
centre-piece of the University of Mid-Kent campus, bordered on one side by patches of worn grass
used for impromptu alfresco seating whenever the weather held and the occasional burst of colour
from a few, mostly well-tended flower-beds. Fellow students pass me as I walk, chatting excitedly
in groups, probably counting down the days till the summer holidays, or, more likely, wondering
what hour of the day constitutes a respectable time to start drinking without appearing as if you
have alcohol-related issues. After twelve, Iโd say. Lone students clutch library books and notepads
no doubt crammed full of annotations and revision for the last of their exams. I can see the tension
stretched across their faces, as if they donโt dare breathe out until itโs all over.
All thatโs going through my mind at this point is making sure that I get as far away from Cooper as
possible. I have an overwhelming desire to go to bed, pull the duvet up over my head and pretend
that none of this is happening. Iโm not really pregnant. Itโs just some cruel trick the universe is
playing on me and tomorrow, everything will go back to the way it was when my life still had some
sort of direction.
I take the short-cut through the ankle-high shrub border that surrounds my building, feeling the
scratchy twigs brushing against my skinny black jeans as I pass, and punch in the four-digit code on
the pad to unlock the outside entrance. Stepping into the sparsely decorated hall, worn mottled
blue carpet underfoot, stairs to my right leading up to two more floors of identikit dorms, and a
fragrance of stale alcohol and baked beans that has permeated the buildings soul throughout the
years, I fumble around in my pocket for keys.
This afternoon really didnโt go to plan, I think as I push open the grainy, wooden door. Iโd
intended to be open with Cooper, to tell him that Iโm pregnant, then discuss our options like two,
mature adults and go from there. But I couldnโt even string a coherent sentence together. What is
my problem? Itโs not like this is my entire fault anyway. It takes two and all that.
I step through the threshold and go in search of Imogen, my best friend here at uni. I need to tell
someone at least, even if it isnโt Cooper. I walk down the short hallway, passing the common room
where a few of our other housemates are lounging around on the knackered, grey sofas, devouring
the remains of a takeaway Chinese they ordered last night and knock a few times on the door to
Imogenโs bedroom.
I push open the door and walk inside after hearing a muffled โEnterโ sound from behind the
wall. Sweet smelling incense vapours immediately shoot up my nostrils and a couple of wind
chimes clink above my head, swaying from the slight breeze coming from the open window and
the fresh air that I just let in the room. Imogen is sitting at her desk furiously tapping away on her
MacBook, her shock of pink hair tied up messily into a bun on the top of her head. I clock her outfit:
an oversized black and white striped cardigan over black leggings, a long, chunky beaded necklace
sheโd somehow created from other pieces of her jewellery collection and a pair of Doc Martins, deep
purple in colour. Even when she isnโt trying, she looks effortlessly cool. I stare down at my own
outfit: skinny black jeans, a pale lemon, short-sleeved t-shirt and battered Converse. Yawn.
I flop heavily onto Imogenโs bed, the mattress remaining stubbornly stiff.
I still wonder now, after almost three years, how Imogen ever became my best and closest
friend at uni, considering how dissimilar we are. Iโve never met anyone quite like her to be honest.
Coming from a smallish town in North Kent, it isnโt often that you encounter people with pink hair
and a sparkling wardrobe to match. Apparently sheโd got bored of people telling her how lucky she
was to have naturally blonde hair and one day, when she was sixteen, had bought a pack of hair dye
from Boots and transformed herself into the Imogen I know now.
And creativity is something that girl has in abundance. She paints beautiful and effortless
pictures, she sews complicated patterns onto cushions and curtains, she writes gorgeous poetry,
and she joined the University drama group with no experience and bagged most of the female lead
roles for the majority of their productions. She sees everything so differently to me. Everything is
in colour, everything is an opportunity waiting to happen – the world is an exciting place for Imogen.
Sheโs a person things happen to. Why donโt I hate her again?
โSo whatโs up duck?โ Imogen asks after I havenโt spoken for a full five minutes. She stops typing
and swivels her seat round to look at me lolling pathetically on her bed. โWhat did Cooper have to
say for his handsome self?โ
โHe doesnโt want to see me anymore,โ I eventually bring myself to say.
Imogenโs face falls slightly. โYou what?โ
โPlease donโt make me say it again Imogen.โ
I grab a pillow from behind me and place it over my head.
โWow. I canโt say I saw that coming. Butโฆ thenโฆ how could heโฆ? Doesnโt he wantโฆ? Whatโs
he gonnaโฆ?โ she says hurriedly, before taking a deep breath. โDid he say why?โ
I can see out of the corner of my eye that Imogenโs right leg has begun to jig up and down slightly
manically.
โJust that we were graduating soon and we live too far away and we can still be friends and blah,
blah, blah de blahโ
โI see.โ Imogen lifts the pillow off of my face and throws it to the bottom of the bed. โYou, er,
okay about that then?โ
โThrilledโ I say, deadpan.
I haul myself up so that weโre at eye level. Imogen is leaning forward on her chair; hands clasped
tightly together, a questioning look on her face.
โThere is something else thoughโฆโ I begin to say.
โYouโre pregnant,โ Imogen interjects before I have the chance to open my mouth again. โI saw
the test in your trash. You left your door unlocked,โ she adds casually, almost as an afterthought.
I sit there, opened-mouth for a bit, before regaining my composure.
โYouโฆ youโฆ didnโt touch it, did you?โ
โAre you actually mad Charlie? Why would I touch something youโve peed on?!โ Imogen forces
out a shiver. โI went into your room to borrow a stapler, looked down and there it was, sticking out
the top of the bin. If you wanted to keep the news private, then you really didnโt do a very good job
did you?โ
โGuess not,โ I say quietly.
I shake my head a little in disbelief. Imogen is still regarding me as if I owe her an explanation.
I know itโs not intentional, but I always get the feeling that she talks down to me, like sheโs the
teacher and I her unworthy student. Youโd never think that Iโm two years older.
โWellโฆโ
โWell, what?!โ
โCharlie you are infuriating sometimes! What are you going to do now? I mean, now you know
Cooper doesnโt want to keep itโฆโ
โHold on… I never said he didnโt want it.โ
โBut he doesnโt want to see you anymore.โ
โSoโฆ?โ
โSo, I just assumedโฆโ
โWell, donโt.โ
I stand up, slightly exasperated at Imogenโs assumption, and begin to pace up and down the room
for a bit until I realise it isnโt achieving the desired effect, being the size of a small postage stamp.
Admitting defeat, I slump back onto the bed.
โImogenโฆ Iโฆ Iโฆ I couldnโt tell himโ I say at a half whisper, immediately putting my head in my
hands, unconsciously trying to cushion the verbal blow I feel sure is about to come. Imogen remains
uncharacteristically silent. I glance up to make sure sheโs still breathing and hasnโt spontaneously
combusted out of pure frustration. Her face has softened.
โBabe, this is gonna be hard you knowโ she says tenderly. โUnwanted pregnancies are stressful
on everyone involved. I remember my abortion, just before I started uni. It was the best thing at
the time, didnโt make it an easy decision, although the guy being a complete knob kinda sold it to me
in the end.โ She reaches across and gives me a quick hug. โIโm here for you though hun. Iโll go with
you to the clinic if need be.โ She straightens her back so that sheโs now standing. โDo you want a
cup of tea?โ she asks, making her way to the door.
โImogenโฆโ
โYes hun?โ she replies, turning the handle and propping the door open with her foot.
I take a deep breath and turn my head to look at her. โIโm keeping it.โ
